Let me share something that will change how you see social anxiety forever.

Think about this – how many times people say you have to “just be yourself” or “just do it”? How many times have you tried forcing yourself to be more social, practiced conversation techniques, read endless tips about body language, or pushed yourself out of your comfort zone? And yet… nothing really changes.

Everyone has moments of feeling better, but then somehow we fall right back into the same patterns or down moments.

Why?

Because all these methods focus on the OUTSIDE (visible parts), when the real cause of social anxiety is on the INSIDE (invisible part).

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The Hidden Truth About Social Anxiety

The reality is this: social anxiety isn’t actually about a “lack of social skills” or “not knowing what to say.” It’s about our survival instincts creating inner RESISTANCE — wanting for bad things not to happen (things to be different than they are).

Your brain is designed to protect us from pain and danger. And it does this based on what it has learned through past experiences — our beliefs and memories. Not knowing the difference between potential physical danger (a wild dog attacking us on a street) and – potential emotional danger (feeling rejected, not good enough, making a mistake – internal experiences):

• That time we said something “wrong” and everyone laughed.
• When we felt rejected or excluded.
• Moments where we were judged or criticized.
• Times we felt “not good enough.”

Each of these experiences created a memory in our subconscious mind — a belief about what social situations mean. Now, years later, whenever you’re in a social situation, your mind remembers all those painful associations. And it creates anxiety to protect you from potential pain.

This is why you:

• Overthink what to say.
• Worry about being judged.
• Feel your mind going blank.
• Get physical anxiety symptoms.
• Avoid social situations altogether.

Your mind is trying to move you away from what it perceives as danger. And the reason why it’s so hard to see the real cause and actually fix it, is because the subconscious mind we can’t see. It’s below our consciousness.

While conscious thoughts we see, we plan what to buy for dinner, what we will do later – the subconscious thoughts come in in milliseconds – and go unnoticed. While the prolonged emotions we see, the subconscious – automatic impulses and responses go unnoticed. We simply react, give our opinions, say things or do things – without questioning.

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Why Most Social Advice Fails

Most social skills advice completely misses this crucial point. People practice small talk, try to wear expensive clothing, work on body language, force through the fear, or say aspirational advice like ‘just be yourself’. But here’s the problem: if we have limiting beliefs, that run beneath the surface – sometimes it doesnt matter what we wear, how our body language is, or how hard we try – the feelings and the thoughts come in and we act and react from there.

When our mind begin to see the potential pain, it isolates everything else. We feel anxiety, the warning signals come in, begin to think negatively and try to make meaning out of it. When we feel that pain, it makes us move away from it… but it seems irrational. We want it not to be there… creating this resistance inside and anxiety grows.

It’s like trying to drive with the handbrake on. You can push the gas pedal harder (force yourself to be social), but you’ll never drive smoothly until you release the brake (change the limiting beliefs).

Because these beliefs are invisible most people don’t see them what they are, where they are, how they work. Because the mind picks up on potentials of where they could happen, sometimes everything seems to go wrong… You want to approach that guy/girl, but fear kicks in. It all appears as something we are. What we feel becomes who we think we are – but that’s not true.

Anxiety isn’t something you are. Anxiety is something simply saying, ‘hey, when you were 6 and those kids laughed at you, it was extremely painful. We gotta make sure we don’t go there, or we might not survive’.

And there’s dozens of these memories and perceptions that can happen in infinite possible situations:

• Not being good enough.
• Being judged.
• Making mistakes.
• Speaking up not being safe.
• Not belonging.
• Being different or weird.

At work, asking for a raise, meeting that guy or a girl, voicing your opinion, trying to follow your passion, trying to make a sale, public speaking…

All those memories are things we never chose to experience. But 20 years later, they can be running in the back of our minds guiding us. That’s not who we are, that’s what we unfortunately experienced that became a memory. Limiting us.

Most people never see this as the cause. They simply don’t know. I didn’t know ether, until I read ‘The Power of Positive Thinking’ by Norman Vincent Peale. It wasn’t in the book, but I drew that from the book, the next day went to work and began to – observe.

Soon after, all the shadows and demons came out. I began to see things I never noticed. And it was bad… But only from that moment, I realized that I have some thoughts repeating. I began to see the connection. I noticed how wanting, was making things worse. That I had to switch to believing that I was confident, instead of wanting to be it. I began to work on my self-belief. And after I began to believe it is something I am and I have… every thought changed. Every feeling changed – within days. Every guy began to respect me, every girl began to look at me with a smirk. My perceptions begin to shift… Changing every experience inside-out.

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This is why this is called – limiting beliefs.

You need to know, that while most people are focusing outside, outward, acting and reacting from this autopilot mode – you can actually change and overcome these limiting beliefs. I used to live in daily anxiety, but I have changed every painful memory I have ever had. Today I go into the club and when I see the person I like, I go over. When I say something, I don’t try to be different or say something clever or use a tactic. Because I believe I am confident, I feel confident regardless where I go. And other people can see it, pick up on it – they treat me with respect, I get better opportunities with women and at work.

The only way you create real change is when you address the real cause. People think that ‘temporary feeling’ from outside-in is what fixes the problem. The suit, the perfect pick up line, the body language hack, the 5-second rule. You have to see beyond it at the very source of what creates our thoughts and emotions, and create a mindset where you do not believe rejection is painful. That it’s normal. Go from wanting to be confident (always implying that we’re not in this moment), to believing that I am someone who is confident all the time.

The first step to do that is you have to identify those limiting beliefs in order to change them. You have to find out what painful memories hold you back from the things you want. And the way you do that is only by seeing what they are.

You have to begin to observe your subconscious thoughts. Not the conscious ones we are all aware of, but the subconscious thoughts we don’t focus on noticing. When we begin to listen and look – inward. Shift our focus. Hear everything, we begin to see thoughts we never seen before. When we begin to see thoughts we never seen before – we can begin to see the patterns. Repeating.

This is what will give you hints and actually lead you to discover what is creating the limits in the first place. Allowing you to challenge them, change them, transform them. Because when you change how you see things – thoughts and emotions will naturally change. Without trying to do anything. Inside-out.

And something else will happen – you begin to see how those thoughts lead to emotions. Those quick reactions or emotions that come in quickly. And how they lead to the things we say or how other people respond or see us. The connection of how our inside world is creating and shaping situations, circumstances and the world outside of us.

Most people never do this. They stay stuck in the cycle – acting, reacting, rationalizing or escaping their feelings to find balance – instead of actually changing them.

But once you start looking inside – once you start noticing the automatic thoughts running your life – you’ll never be able to see things the same way again.

And from there?

Confidence, success, relationships… everything changes. Not because you forced it. But because, for the first time, you actually chose it. Remember you are powerful, and you have all the control you ever need.